MARIO & STEFANIA ON THEIR TRAVELS
Oberleutnant Grupen Furor Angelica Hun Merkstrangler was in her bunker when the news came that Michel Barnpot was on the run from being held captive at the Brussels Sprout enclosure at Dudley Zoo,
Together with Barnpot and that insignificant little dog turd Van-Rumpy-Pumpy, Merkstrangler had been to Gornal for a meeting with Britain's chief Brexshit negotiator Jorish Bronson. But the meeting never took place, they had been arrested by the local Rozzers as suspected illegal immigrants (Probably from Wales because no one could understand a bloody word they were saying). beaten to a pulp with Grorty puddings before being put on display at the zoo.
They'd been held there for six months until another Brexshitere the President of the European Town Council Donald Trusslicker managed to negotiate their release by showing Sargent Chipbutty and PC Dripping at the Gornal nick their Bundesliga season tickets.
All except Michel Barnpot that is, because the only season ticket he had was the life membership card for Van-Rumpy-Pumpy's Pig Brothel in the EU Palace. Sargent Chipbutty and PC Dripping decided the dirty bastard should remain where he was, anyone that liked Pig's enough to shag one belonged in a bloody zoo.
As it turned out there some distant relatives of the Pigs in the Palace who had got word to those in the zoo who wanted revenge on Barnpot because they'd read in Oink Weekly that he had demanded they dress up first and he wasn't fussy if it was a sow or a boar and the boars looked bloody silly in a thong, that gave them Piles as well.
Staff in the zoo had subjected him to both verbal and physical abuse, even sitting on his face one day and crying out "Who's a pretty boy then" while all the people outside the cage howled with laughter.
Then one day a it seemed that Barnpot's luck had changed. He'd been sent to the zoo's physiologist Professor Einstein Snout for an assessment of whether he was in fact a danger to the public, pigs in particular, the animal world in general, or was he just a dirty filthy pervert. As it turned out Professor Snout told him he too was also a secret Pig lover and offered to smuggled him out of the zoo. In fact he was nothing of the sort.
Whilst on patrol with the 93rd Trotter Regiment during the Scratchings Wars in Quarry Bonk, Snout had been severely wounded during the rescue of a whole Sty of Gloucester Old Spot's from kidnappers and had been awarded The Oink Medal for Bravery above and beyond the call of duty. After that he had been promoted in charge of the secret Pig Undercover Squad (Commonly known as the Curly Tail Killers on account of their ability when coming up against trouble to straighten their tails into a vicious Javelin like projectile and jump up on the offenders lap. Some offenders were even known to have survived but talked in a very high squeaky voice afterwards).
The Curly Tail Killers job was to stop the illegal export of Pork Scratchings to the disgusting Black Market party's held undercover exclusively in the Vatican, Grupen Furor Angelica Hun Merkstrangler's Bunker and Van-Rumpy-Pumpy's Pig Brothel in the EU Palace. Rumour had it that those present would crush the Scratchings, add some Toasted Caterpillar Testicles and "Mixed Race Jam"
(Used to be called "Blackberry Jam" before it was deemed Racist).
They'd then strip naked and rub it all over each other (Bloody waste of good Scratchings if you ask me, and what about the Ethnic Cleansing of the bloody Caterpillar;s eh? Bastards). The Curly Tail Killers were determined to stop this disgusting practice and had decided to capture Barnpot and torture him with the threat of having to have sex with a woman, she of the genus "Female".
IE. "Of, or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) which can be fertilized by male gametes".
This then logically must mean that all those who like it up the ass from another "NON" female are not a bleedin female and therefore can only be referred to as a soddin "IT". As in SHE-IT or SHITE-IT.
Conversely the Female of the species who prefers being shagged with a bleedin great dildo from one of the same species as a substitute for producing eggs is clearly a bleedin Dyke, and bleedin DICKLESS.
Barnpot and his Perverted pig loving friends would be suddenly scared SHE-IT-LESS at the thought of having sex with anything on two legs, at least with a pig you could always hang on to it's ears if things got a bit wild and so he decided to tell The Curly Tail Killers anything they wanted to know
On the advice of Sargent Chipbutty and PC Dripping they sent an urgent Pizza gram to Stefania asking for her help, knowing from reports in MI5 Weekly that she had been responsible for bringing Anatoly Corbinski and Her Highness Lady Diana Abbottski to justice for illegally dealing in second hand Vladamere Putrid pullovers, the ones with the Atomic Warhead Buttons and selling them to Mothercare as Woollen Tampons for disturbed members of the Coal Minors Union
They took him to a luxurious 3 story sty at the back of Sammy's in Quarry Bank. The pigs there lived a life of luxury, a sauna, jacuzzi, walk in 25 meter swimming pool, tanning room and a fully equipped Pignasium. This is what Barnpot had dreamt of since his early childhood delivering Oink Weekly to all the local Pig farms when he first fell in love with Lucricia Trotter who went on to win Miss Back Bacon 1975.
Stefania had dressed specially for the interrogation in her latest outfit but as she walked into the room to question Barnpot she found him cowering in the corner crying "No not a woman, please no it's not natural, don't let her have me, please I love Pigs not women". He turned to face her and his eyes bulged at the sight of her cleavage and screamed "NO, NO NO, NOT THE TIT MANGLING", at which all 15 Curly Tail Killers jumped onto his lap before charging across the room in Stefania's direction.
Barnpot would never live to talk in a high pitched squeaky voice, his dream soon ended when he noticed a very large and angry looking wild Boar coming straight for him …...
“So you like to shag pigs eh”? Said the boar just before he made sure Barnpot would never shag anything again
The judge later decided his fatal wounds were self inflicted and Stefania wasn't called to testify,
Oink f***ing Oink