It was whilst visiting the Household Waste Site (The Tip) in a strange town called Kidderminster to pick up some rusty nails for Ermantrude's special Gusset and Blancmange Pie, (Ermantrude was their pet Trudge Nangler and the nails and Blancmange were mixed with carrots which helped her see at night when out hunting for the elusive so called “Honest Politician's”, such a thing didn't actually exist of course, it was just a figment of their own deluded imagination as they used to hide in slurry pit's to cover their smell of greed and lies).


Stefania didn't like going to Kidderminster much ever since it it had been declared the Obesity Capital of the Universe, even including the notoriously fat Martian Trugldums





Kidderminster was strange for the cloud that permanently hung everywhere overhead, the sun never having been seen much since 1958 and no one knew why it was always so dark, that is until normal sized people realised it was the amount of Fatty's in the town who were blocking out the sun.

And the Fatty's didn't care, they had so much acreage of of flab it would take a crane and big hydrophilic lifting gear to expose all the lard and even then there would be part's of their grotesque bodies they had never seen, or were even aware of. Let's face it if your arms weren't long enough to wipe your own ass and you had to get a specially trained NHS Welfare Octopus to do it for you imagine the psychological damage to the Octopus, all that lifting and searching for where your ass actually was and after eventually finding it the stench of last nights 87 burghers and 105 pizzas you'd eaten on your special Fatty diet it's a wonder the Octopus ever found his way back out again, (The 50,000 kilowatt search light on the miners helmet's and the grappling iron's and non-slip welding gloves obviously helped)

Clearly since birth all Fatty's had the same roll model in life, their hero Mt Blobby.



 Such a great body.


To be a successful Fatty you have to learn early. For instance your mother has no idea and is certainly too lazy to learn how to cook and so as a child at the dinner table you have to learn your manners. and just how to pile on the hundredweight. You could also go with your mom to her favourite cloth's store “Rent-A-Tent” and try on several different sizes of Marquee (The advantage of Marquee's was not only the size of blubber stretching available but also because it was waterproof and you could stop wearing that bucket strapped to your thighs (Whatever the hell they were) to catch the piss you had no idea you'd done.


Such A Lovely Child

Just eat what the fat lazy cow has put in front of you and to start with never use a knife and fork they just get in your way and slow you down and “NEVER EVER let anything get in the way of you eating, it's the most important part of your life as a Fatty”. Even if you've gone off the half ton McShit burgers for breakfast there's always the hundredweight of Cheesy Chips as a snack before breakfast and your usual 5 gallons of Cola and 54 Jam doughnuts. You must keep your strength up just in case you have to take more than one step before your legs give way and you roll over like a huge ball of out of control lard (Which is what you are of course).



She'd been told it was somewhere in there

Learning at an early age that it was best not to know about sex or what and how it worked (Quite often the Stork never had a clue either), it was enough to have a rough idea of where her ass was. As to where her fanny was beneath all the layers of flab she had no idea, or what it was for, (She'd been 3 day's old the last time she'd seen it and assumed since then it had healed up. And you really think a a man would want to shag you? He'd need a 9ft long prick just to get past the first 35 layers of lard and even if he managed that what? Poke around with it in the dark to make sure it wasn't your ass with an Octopus wiping it clean. (Fart and give us a clue springs to mind).


She knew of course what a clitoris was, a type of cabbage that skinny women had and used to rub on their ears to make then randy (What ever the fuck randy was).




Fatty's Fart Cloud


A common site at night was when a Fatty farted in Kidderminster, the result of which caused all the doors and windows within a 50 mile radius to shake and normal children had to tie themselves to the bed with a bag over their heads to keep out the smell of burning blubber and the instant a Fatty let one go it could easily be seen as far away as Moscow.


By now Stefania had enough of Kidderminster and it's Fatty's and decided to clean the place up. First she got 300,000 meters of lard proof cling film and hired 150 aircraft hangers in a a remote part of President Macarony's garden at the back of the Elsi Palace. Next 250,000 pairs of earplugs and 3,000 miles of barbedwire and to finish things off 20,000 pegs.

She then rounded up all the Fatty's in a specially strengthened cattle truck, before binding them altogether with the barbedwire and wrapping each one in at least a thousand meters of the lard proof cling film and laid them down in the aircraft hangers. After issuing everyone within a thousand mile radius with pegs for their noses and warning everyone to stay at home for at least 3 month's she went and phoned the NHS Octopus Clinic and informed them that using the poor creatures to clean Fatty's bums was a crime and it had to stop immediately.

She then went to President Macarony's head chef and ordered 25,000 portion's of wild raw king sized snails in extra hot Vindaloo sauce which was then served up to each of the Fatty's and having devoured each hundredweight with relish Stafania locked and bolted the doors and put a sign outside “ BEWARE FATTY'S - DO NOT DISTURB.

Without the help of the NHS Octopuses to wipe the Fatty's ass's the smell soon became too much even for the Fatty's themselves and all their noses exploded as the blubber began to melt, running down their never been seen before legs in torrents until at last all was left was a huge blob of lard.

The blubber was eventually collected and used to fertilise most of Africa and Stefania and Mario went home knowing they had improved the lives of the remaining residents of Kidderminster



Isn't She Loveley